In 120 BC, Rabbi Joshua ben Perachiah said, “Judge each person with the scales weighted in their favor.” The phrase ought to sound familiar to the average person because it is striking in its similarity to the words of Jesus: “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” The reason for the similarity between the two is simple. Ancient rabbis often taught through citing and commenting on the teachings of the rabbis that came before them. Much of the teachings of Jesus are expansions on earlier teachers, though He is often downright revolutionary in comparison to His predecessors. In this instance, the teachings that came before Him dealt with how we look at the folks around us and judge their motivations, intent, moral quality, etc. Jesus’ teaching probably carries a layered meaning, with some of the idea being about how we look down on other folks for their sins. However, in light of the words of Rabbi Joshua, the idea is sort of like what you would see in a butcher’s shop. If a butcher puts his thumb on the scale while weighing your meat purchase, he will cheat you with scales in his favor. I tend to revisit shops where the owner weighs my purchase and then throws a little extra in. That is a scale in my favor. Jesus’ expansion on the idea is that we should judge the words and actions of others the way we would like them to look at ours.

What does this sort of thing look like in our lives? The one I see most often happens while talking with folks who relate the words of spouses, family members, or coworkers that they found hurtful. More often than not, the words they share are spoken in passing or via text message. The interpretation they applied is the primary source of the hurt in the exchange. Quite simply, they weighed the words with scales that do not favor the other party. I am often distracted by thinking intensely, which prompts me to not notice anything happening around me. It can come off as me ignoring others or being rude if the scales are against me. Scales in my favor might recognize that I am distracted, in deep thought, or just didn’t hear what was said to me. I have mediated conversations between arguing spouses many times where they simply took each others’ words in the least charitable way. The scales are rigged for offense. The same can be said for actions or attitudes. People are typically awful at interpreting each other’s thoughts or motives. They jump to conclusions and nothing good comes of it.

Another way of describing this approach of applying the most generous measure for interpreting the words and acts of others is called the “Law of Charity.” The law of charity is a philosophy/rhetorical principle that states that you should always interpret the words or arguments in the best/strongest/best interpretation. The purpose is to avoid falsely attributing mistakes, falsehoods, or fallacies to others. In terms of our conversations, it works well at fixing fights before they happen. However, it is a particularly difficult idea to implement. It’s easy to see your spouse’s silence as anger directed at you personally. It takes hard work to stop and say, “Maybe they’re tired or had a bad day.” Applying the degree of grace and patience to others that you want applied to you takes prayer and an intentional showing of grace to others. Often the key is to wait and think rather than allow our feelings to direct our reactions. Stopping and praying or turning the other cheek gives space for wisdom to prevail.