The Big Sandy Mountaineer -

My daughter loves wearing dresses, jewelry, nail polish, and shoes of every style/shape/color. She loves to be surrounded by pink, frilly, sparkly, and loud things. New dresses are her idea of heaven. She will often come to me with some piece of jewelry she has been given or an outfit in order to explain why this is her favorite thing in the world. No amount of explaining seems to be adequate to help her understand that everything can’t be her favorite. That’s okay, because she is full of excitement and pride, which is more important than those sorts of details. Deep down, I love talking to her about these sorts of things, even though they are well outside of my area of interest. I love it because I love her. One thing that she sometimes says that drives me crazy is: “If I wear this, then everyone will like me.” It always prompts a lengthy lecture from me that she is beautiful already and that she doesn’t need other folks to think she’s pretty in order for it to be true. The tragedy is that our culture constantly bombards women with messages of this sort: “If you want to be happy, everybody needs to think you’re pretty” or even worse: “You aren’t as pretty as our models.” They are sold a standard of beauty that is unattainable, and more photoshop than reality. I never want my little girl to worry about being too fat, not pretty enough, or inadequate in any way. Her worth comes from her being an amazing creation of God, beautiful, sweet, clever, and special beyond words. This is the truth for my daughter and my wife, who is amazing and gets prettier every day I know her. I hate the idea that my wife and daughter would ever feel like they are less than amazing. The hard truth is that our culture tends to tell women that they aren’t good enough. This isn’t just the case for my wife and daughter, it is the case for every woman out there. Some women are blessed with natural confidence and are unaffected by the constant barrage of negative messaging, but many aren’t.

Over time, I’ve figured out that, as a husband and father, the best thing I can do to show the amazing ladies in my life how precious they are is to tell them what I think and show them their value through my actions and attitudes. This means regularly telling my little girl and wife that I love them for who they are and that I think they are gorgeous. It’s important that my wife and daughter regularly hear from me, as their husband and father, that I think they’re amazing. Typically, women have an emotional need for affection. This includes regular verbal expressions of love and care.

Telling them how much I value them is important, but even more important is showing them. This is best done through spending time together, showing interest in them, and demonstrating how much I care through my actions. It’s important for husbands to continue to date their wives. Spending time one-on-one is a huge deal. It’s also important for fathers to spend time with their daughters. Time spent together is how fathers best show their daughters how much they are valued. Men have a responsibility when it comes to their role as husband and father. This is something that takes time and effort. But, it is worth it. One of the best measures of a man is in how he treats the women in his family.

If you have questions or comments you would like Erik to answer please email them to patchingcracks@gmail.com.