The Big Sandy Mountaineer -

Most of you reading this can only complain about one government, but I am fortunate enough to be able to complain about not one but two. Both the US and Canadian governments get my critiquing. This article is centered on the Canadian side of the border. So read and enjoy another country’s disorganization.

As some of you may have read, I was “jumping through hoops at the border” back in July. I had called the border three times with questions to make sure I had my ducks in a row. I arrived at the border with full vaccination, passport, rabies certifications for the dogs; a negative COVID test was taken within 72 hours, and I downloaded everything onto the Arrive CAN application. There was a little flurry at the border when I arrived as the new plan had just been implemented two days previously. So, some was figuring out computer-wise from the border agent’s end. I was successful, though--I was allowed to pass through. BUT I was given a test kit and told I must go directly to my place of quarantine and call Life labs which has the contract in Canada for COVID testing. I was to get an appointment and then contact someone who would walk me through the test procedure. If a test was not handed in, I was told I would be hunted down. I was to remain in quarantine until my test showed negative. So on, the dogs and I proceeded, finally reaching my house. Immediately after unloading my truck, I called the Life lab number. I was four hours on hold.! Yes, you read that correctly-four hours--you know the drill, hang up, and you’re down to the bottom of the list. As I HAD to get my test in within a maximum of 48 hours of arriving, I didn’t want to go to the bottom of what was appearing to be a very long line of people wanting to make an appointment for testing. Eventually, I was given an appointment time, which was the next day at 9:50, when a rep from Lifelabs would walk me through the test. I was called at 12:30, but who was counting minutes or even hours by that time. I was just pathetically grateful I had not got lost in what I suspected was a morass of calls and testing across Canada. A chipper little missy walked me through the testing, which was unusual in that you swabbed both mouth and nose--both sides( mouth going first, of course). So, I was instructed how it was to be packaged and stickered, etc., etc. Finally, Little Missy thought I was all done, and now all I needed to do was call Fed Ex, who would pick up my test. I was told under NO circumstances was I to venture out of my quarantine to deposit the test myself. Well, alrighty then, sounded pretty easy.

Easy as you know, is not in government vernacular, not here and not in Canada. I called FedEx only to be told they didn’t come to my town. Not only that, but they didn’t come within 70 miles of me. What am I to do, I asked??? No clue was the reply. Ok, back to calling Life Labs for a suggestion, only now I was told that due to an “ unforeseen number of calls,” they were going to disconnect me, and I should try again, sometime. REALLY? Defeat after all this? I ended up calling a couple of my friends who live in Regina, where the test was to be dropped off. These kind souls drove out to my place, got the test, and headed back into Regina, where they stood in line just to hand in the test! Now, what government idiot didn’t think of the thousands of people like myself who did not live in a major center where Fed Ex condescended to pick up?? So now my test is in the lab it’s supposed to be in. Now I wait for confirmation of my negative test or horrifying thought--of my positive. While waiting, I made the best I could of my time with cleaning. Three days pass.

In the meantime, I have a friend driving from Illinois crossing at a different border into Canada. We had been commiserating with each other as her test before crossing has been “misplaced.” She was driving to the border and praying it would be found before the border, or she would need to retest it all over again. She texts me on my third day of exile that she has crossed the border. Balloons and fanfare. BUT she says,” I’m calling you Anne, with something you need to hear.” Ominous words. What now? What fresh hell is this?

It turns out HER instructions at the border were not what I received. She does go home, test, and send it in BUT is free to go about her business unless they get a positive, at which time she would be called, and her jaunting around would come to a stop. You will not be sent word of a negative! God alone knows how long I would’ve stayed in my house waiting for a call that would never come! It also crossed my mind what a stupid rule. If you were positive, you’d be busy passing it around till they got around to contacting you. However, at this point, I could’ve cared less. My language was not pretty, but I do not apologize; I feel the government and their minions had it coming.

Since I crossed in July, they have opened borders to Americans that are not coming on essential business. This means you, too, can jump through hoops. You will need to have both vaccinations with proof. Two Americans tried to beat the system with falsified vaccine cards and were fined $20,000.00 each. You will need to test here within 72 hours of crossing--not 73, mind you! Make sure it’s an acceptable test--not all are. All will need to be downloaded to the ArriveCan app. Put it on your cell--you will get a receipt which you can easily show if computers crash. Doesn’t that sound easy? Be my guest; jump through some hoops this summer. A warning, however, is this jumping is not good for your blood pressure.