John Dewey, the American psychologist, educator, and philosopher once said: “Failure is instructive. The person who really thinks learns quite as much from his failures as from his successes.” Dewey’s words represent something far larger and more profound than it seems on the face of it. For years, I had my own version of it: “I’d rather hear what I can do better next time instead of what I did great today, because knowing where to grow is the only way I will improve.” Failure is scary. Falling short, missing the mark, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, and any other version of the concept is important because failure teaches us lessons that nothing else can. The hardest part of this process is figuring out how to engage those moments of struggle and shortfall in a way that makes it possible to grow. It would be impossible to cover the entire topic here, but there are a few major lessons that are especially important to understand and engage in relation to mistakes or failures.

First and foremost is the strange reality that losing or making mistakes brings a lesson to us that nothing else can. The reason for this is that failing hurts. It wounds our pride, ego, and in some instances our bodies. Nothing in the world is quite like trying your best in something that matters to you and falling short. It is easy to experience that difficulty and to simply quit. The book of Proverbs says that a righteous man falls 7 times, but rises again. Learning to stand up again after falling, or to take ownership of our missteps, or to keep striving when we want to quit shapes our character. There is a strength that is required to do these things that cannot be learned anywhere else. Failure is a learning opportunity that cannot be replicated anywhere else in life. Simple acknowledgement or understanding of the idea that we must keep getting up when we fall cannot replace the experience of doing it.

Another area where failing can teach us through experience is the opportunity to examine, consider, and correct our approach for next time. Many years ago I quit smoking. It was not fun, but every time I failed in the effort, I learned something about what not to do next time. Despite being frustrated over what felt like a lack of progress, I reflected on what I could learn and made changes until I managed to overcome the issue. The same has happened in my marriage, parenting, school, work, and every other area of life. Failure is a phenomenal teacher that prepares us. It is better to try, fail, and learn than it is to grow into paralysis out of fear of failure.

I believe a final area where failing can change us for the better is in being trained to learn. I am blessed to have people in my life who will tell me when I mess up or say the wrong thing. They are willing to do so, I believe, because I have demonstrated a willingness to hear correction and incorporate it into my life. I try (sometimes more successfully than other times) to listen, ask questions, and then be more conscious of my actions going forward. Learning to learn from mistakes makes it possible for those close to you to talk through concerns. It opens doors to growth and deeper relationship. The real trick to making failure work for you is found in a willingness to think carefully, set aside pride, listen, try again, and grow. These are hard lessons. They often require a close friend or confidant to work with us in the process of overcoming. However, the power of growing through failure is in its ability to expand our own potential.