Editor’s Note: I read this blog on Facebook and reach out to her and asked if I could publish it. She said defiantly. Please follow her, it is absolutely so true and so hilarious.

I am going to try to do a little crash course on men’s hand gestures. I know this is something many of us have struggled with, so I hope you find this helpful.

First, let’s talk about gestures while horseback. a

Gesture: He puts one arm in the air with the pointer finger rotating in a circle. If you are stopped, it means get started. If you are moving, it means move faster. If the whole arm is rotating rapidly in a circle with the pointer finger in the air, it means you are already in trouble and should take off at a lope, even if you have no idea which direction you are supposed to be going. I do not suggest trying to get more clarification on direction.

Gesture: One hand held in the stopping motion to the side of the body. If it is still, stop. If it is bobbing, slow down. If it looks like the person is repeatedly hitting an imaginary wall with their hand, you really need to stop before you are in trouble. When both arms go up in the air and cross, then uncross rapidly, you are already in trouble. You should have stopped awhile ago.

Gesture: Elbow rotating from a 90 degree angle to a 180 degree angle with pointer finger extended. This could mean several things. Maybe go get the gate. Maybe get up ahead of the herd. Maybe check the creek. You’re really on your own with this one.

Gesture: Both arms go quickly in the air and down, then he rides off shaking his head. You’re too far away to hear, but based on his body movement, you’re pretty sure he is cussing. You’re really in trouble now. He has given up on communicating with you. You are now expected to read his mind.

Next, let’s talk about hand gestures when he is in the tractor.

Gesture: Both arms are moving and fingers are pointing, head is nodding, and eyebrows have raised and eyeballs are a little wider. Sometimes even a shoulder shrug. This is a really tough one. If you’ve studied sign language, you know this man definitely has not. You look at him in utter confusion, still trying to piece it all together. He shuts the tractor off, opens the door, and yells his instructions at you. If you’re an obedient woman, you do as he instructs. If you’re me, you walk away until he gets a better attitude.

Last, let’s talk about hand gestures when you are in the tractor.

Gesture: The hand makes a C shape. If it tips up, this means rotate the bucket back towards you. If it tips down, this means rotate the bucket down. This might be the only gesture you will ever master, so soak this up.

Gesture: He points up or down. If he points up, the loader needs to move up. If he points down, the loader needs to move down. If his finger starts aggressively and dramatically pointing up or down, he thinks he doesn’t have all day and you need to move the loader faster in whichever direction. This is usually followed by an extremely dramatic “stop” gesture where he is annoyed that you were going too fast and didn’t stop in time. He thinks it would be better for him to be in the tractor and you on the ground, but he knows better than to suggest that.

Okay, you have officially attended Men’s Hand Gestures 101. Piece of cake, right? Bless.

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