The Big Sandy Mountaineer -

Peter Miller was a Baptist pastor and good friend of George Washington during the American Revolution. Accounts of Miler’s life tell of his ongoing difficulties with a neighbor named Michael Wittman. Wittman put a great deal of effort toward publicly opposing and humiliating Pastor Miller. Several years into the war, Michael Wittman was arrested and tried for espionage. After being found guilty, Wittman was sentenced to death. Peter Miller, upon hearing of his enemy’s predicament, walked 70 miles to Philadelphia to plead with General Washington for Wittman’s life. Washington initially refused to release the condemned man, explaining that he couldn’t release the prisoner simply because he was the pastor’s friend. Peter Miller explained that Wittman was, in fact, his enemy. Washington was so impressed by the pastor’s actions that he released the condemned man. Peter Miller and Michael Wittman then made the 70 mile journey home, no longer enemies. From that day on they were friends. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said “Love is the only thing that can turn an enemy into a friend.” This is not a new idea. Jesus taught his followers to love their enemies and pray for those who persecute them. There’s an important idea at play in this way of dealing with people. It isn’t possible to change another person. This isn’t to say that other people cannot change. Rather, there is nothing you can do to make someone be different. The only person you can effectively change is yourself. You can change your attitude and behavior. You can choose to fight and retaliate against behavior you don’t like, but it will do little to change the way your “enemy” approaches you. The best you can do to impact the way another treats you is acting toward them with love and grace. This is especially important when it comes to family members, neighbors, or folks you work with. You will seldom make your situation better by warring with someone under your own roof. Unfortunately, it’s counterintuitive to love your enemy and bless those who curse you. When your spouse acts with hostility toward you, it’s natural to want to lash out and fight back. The problem is that it turns into a cycle of “you hurt me, I hurt you back.” The cycle goes on forever, largely because neither party willingly breaks it. The difficulty associated with making this choice is compounded by the difficult reality that after long periods of hostility a change of behavior can be confusing and initially prompt even more hostility. Eventually, a trend of positive behavior will eventually impact your “enemy.” However, even if it doesn’t, it does impact you. Living as a person who seeks to retaliate against others will inevitably change who you are. Part of what Christ was teaching his disciples was how to change their own hearts. Loving the unlovable changes you. I have taken this approach with folks on many occasions over the years and have found that it has almost always yielded results. Treating unpleasant people well and going out of your way to bless them usually changes their behavior. Beyond that, it has made me more like the person I want to be.