Last week, I had an opportunity to treat myself to something fun. I began looking around at things I use daily. I have a record player next to my desk that I picked up used from Facebook Marketplace. I often listen to records while working at my desk. I enjoy it, and it makes a positive impact on my work day. I began thinking about upgrading my turntable. I rapidly discovered that the player I enjoy now is kinda cheap, but with exceptional sound. It never sounded inadequate, but the more I read about turntables, components, and other matters the less positive I felt about my Facebook Marketplace component. I also was frustrated about the expense. Turntables become very expensive quickly, to the tune of thousands of dollars. In the end, I realized that my efforts were leading me to dissatisfaction. The sound system in my office makes me happy. The more I looked at more expensive toys and the negative things said by people who mainly complained about the cost of the player, the more I rationalized that it’s not good because it’s cheaper. In the end, I figured it was better to be happy with what I have.
There’s an interesting set of principles behind my experience. When a person begins to focus on what they don’t have, it prompts them to imagine the things they don’t have. The more they think about new stuff, the less their current possessions make them feel satisfied. It prompts us to look at what’s wrong with what we have or why it’s not good enough. This is the pathway to a lack of contentment.
Another impact that comes with focusing on what we don’t have is seen in our sense of gratitude regarding what we have. Studies have linked higher levels of gratitude with an increased tendency toward happiness. Conversely, those who have less gratitude for what they have in life are less happy. By definition, focusing on what we don’t have draws us from gratitude for what we do.
A final impact worth noting that comes from focusing on what we don’t have is something called the comparison effect. Focusing on what others have and you lack trains you to compare ourselves with others. Theodore Roosevelt famously said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” It promotes jealousy and a critical attitude toward our own lifestyle or accomplishments. Simply put, it’s a recipe for unhappiness in the simplest form.
There are simple steps you can take to overcome this tendency. These habits are particularly important as we approach the holidays and all of the shopping/indulgence that comes with them. A first step in the process is intentionally listing what you are grateful for. This is a good daily habit that’s been linked to elevated happiness and contentment. Creating lists of things you are grateful for before spending time listing off things you don’t have is a simple step that negates some of the effect that arises from comparing your life with what could be.
Another simple practice is intentional generosity. The spiritual practice of intentional generosity helps train us to point our attention outward instead of inward. It also decreases our attachment to material possessions. Giving makes us better and happier.
None of these simple habits is an instant fix or key to happiness. The trick with them is that they work when you do them daily in small doses. Spiritual training requires daily effort. It is especially worth doing as we go into the extra indulgent seasons of the year.