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We live in a time of unprecedented connection to the people and world around us. Cell phones enable us to have conversations with each other wherever/whenever we want. Email allows us the instant exchange letters. Social media gives us the opportunity to share our lives with people anywhere and to find long lost loved ones. Strangely, we are simultaneously living through an epidemic of loneliness. Through the 70s and 80s, surveys found that between 11% and 20% of Americans felt lonely regularly. In the past decade, between 40% and 45% of...
A pastor friend of mine often tells a story about a man and a woman approaching a building at the same time. When the man notices the woman, he rushes ahead to open the door and hold it for the woman, who was a stranger to him. As she entered the building, she stopped turned to him and said: “Are you holding this door for me because I am a woman?” He responded: “No. I am holding it because I am a gentleman.” Almost every instance I heard this story told by my friend was in the context of working together at a home for kids with emotion...
For a few years after the death of his wife and mother, Theodore Roosevelt ran a cattle ranch on North Dakota. Early in his venture, another rancher tried to strong arm the future president from his land, going so far as sending a hired gunman and his gang to the homestead in an attempt at intimidation. Theodore wasn’t home at the time and the thugs left after issuing a warning that they would murder him next time they saw him. When Teddy heard about the visit, he rode directly to the gunman’s home, knocked on his door, and when the man ans...
For the last couple of months, my family has faced some challenges as a result of illness. These challenges have put us into a position where we have strained a bit under the basic tasks of life. Perhaps the best thing that has come of this time in our life has been that folks have rushed to assist us. Last night, a couple of friends from church, while visiting, took the time to clean my kitchen and wash dishes. In addition, brothers and sisters in Jesus have brought us prepared meals, helped out with our kids, sent us cards, and in all sorts o...
Many years ago, I had a coworker that I could not stand to be around, though our jobs required us to work with each other in a variety of settings. This resulted in frequent conflict. In fact, there were several occasions when work devolved into shouting matches. Needless to say, this made my work environment miserable, and that misery often leaked into other areas of my life. I often left work angry and spent my evenings stewing over some insult or altercation. After many months of this, I decided to start praying for the guy, not because I...
My wife often says that I collect hobbies. I discover something new, begin to learn about it after my interest is sparked, achieve a level of proficiency or learning in my new area of interest, and move on to a new interest. It drives my wife a little nuts, but has resulted in me developing an eclectic skill set. Recently, I was reading a book on the psychology of motivation when I came across a bit of an explanation for my odd tendency to jump from hobby to hobby. The book talked about motivation as a fleeting thing. You get motivated and...
One of my less successful goals for 2016 was to lose 30 pounds. Faced with the end of the calendar year, I buckled down and lost 10 pounds through a mixture of exercise and disciplined eating. This happened in the beginning of December. Then Christmas happened. Christmas is a stressful, busy time of year with lots of parties and wonderful gifts of food. As cookies, candies, cakes, and great leftovers began stacking up around my kitchen, my disciplined eating habits fell off and so did my exercise habits. Shortly after that, I found the 10...
Every New Year, since I moved to Big Sandy, I have written a couple of columns about making and keeping New Year’s resolutions. Last year, I realized that I had never made or kept one. So, last January, I made a half-dozen resolutions, which I set out to achieve. There were a couple that I managed to achieve, but the one that was most successful for me was my resolution to read more books. Actually, though I set out to read more books, within a few weeks I realized that the lack of specificity was a problem. In order to hit a target, it has t...
This morning, I read an article on the most returned or regifted Christmas gifts every holiday season. According to the article, clothing is the most returned Christmas gift, usually because of issues with the article not being liked, not being needed, or not fitting correctly. In the arena of gifts that are given away again as gifts to others, the list is a little more expansive. It included candles, gift cards, picture frames, perfume, cookbooks, and fruitcakes. The reason I researched the idea of regifting is because I often find myself...
The philosopher Soren Kierkegaard wrote a parable about a king, who was very wealthy and powerful. He was so wealthy and influential that other kings came from all around to kneel before him. Everything he saw was his and there was nothing he could not have. That is, until one day, this king sees a peasant woman working just outside of the castle. He is struck by her beauty and grace. He begins to make up excuses to watch her. The more he watches, the more in love he becomes. He decides that he must have this woman as his wife, so he chooses...
I’m reading a book by David Platt, a Christian minister who traveled and taught throughout Asia. In it, he shares an interesting exchange he had while in Indonesia. While visiting a Buddhist temple complex, he had a conversation with the leaders of the local Muslim and Buddhist communities. The two leaders were discussing how they thought all religions were essentially the same. Both the Buddhist and the Muslim agreed that all paths lead to God. They then asked Platt what he thought on the matter. Platt responded that it sounds like they b...
Several years ago, my wife and I returned home from work to find that our house had been burglarized. We didn’t lose much, but were pretty angry about the incident. My pastor at the time told me a story about John Wesley, the founder of the Methodist Church. One day while Wesley was traveling, he was robbed by a highwayman. When he arrived home, he wrote in his journal that he prayed to thank God after the ordeal had ended. Specifically, he thanked God for three things. First, he thanked the Lord that the robber had not taken his life. S...
I read 5 books last week. Typically, I have been reading 1 or 2 books a week this year, but last week I set a personal record. I’m not a speed reader; in fact, I read embarrassingly slowly. I don’t have a lot of free time. With the church’s annual Halloween party happening last week, I was especially busy. I managed to increase my reading time by eliminating two things from my habits: I stopped reading, listening, or watching most news (the Mountaineer excluded, of course) and I deleted Facebook from my cell phone, limiting my Facebook time...
I recently read a book about the dozens of strange ways most people naturally think about the world around them, which result in mistakes or misunderstandings. A lot of the book dealt with logic, patterns of thinking about things, and ways that peopledeal with information. Some of them were obvious, like wanting simple explanations for situations, even very complex ones. Or the fact that people are generally more trusting toward and think more highly of physically attractive folks. Others were less obvious, like the tendency of people to...
This week, I started a new regimen of healthy eating and exercise. Because of a minor health concern, it became clear that I needed to make changes. Exercise has been easy, largely because I enjoy it and tend to be a happier person when I am more active. My first day of eating healthy went great, at first. I ate the right foods, drank the appropriate amount of water, and followed the plan to the letter...until dinner. Then things sort of went off the rails. We went out to eat and I lacked options that fit the plan, so I indulged. Then, my kids...
Lately, it seems like I cannot look at Facebook, read the news, watch tv, or have a conversation without the current presidential election coming up. I cannot recall a more contentious or weird election in my lifetime. People are worried, angry, scared, frustrated, and looking for solutions. Rhetoric surrounding the outcome of the election has predicted catastrophe. Candidates have been verbally tarred and feathered so many times that it’s hard to imagine a civil debate or election ever taking place again. I don’t want to add to that pile of...
One of the topics Jesus often argued about with the contemporary religious teachers of his day was the Sabbath. The Jewish Sabbath is on Saturdays and is a day when work is forbidden by the 10 Commandments. The idea was that you could work every other day, but the Sabbath was set apart for rest. In the ancient Jewish faith, the Sabbath had taken on a weird character of its own. The leaders of the Jewish faith had spent centuries talking about what was meant by “work” so they could make sure everyone followed the rule properly. There were sects...
A few months ago, my daughter learned how to operate our Keurig coffee maker. It’s an easy machine to operate, so it makes sense that my 5 year old would be able to brew a perfect cup of coffee. The fantastic part of this newly acquired skill is that she loves bringing me coffee in the morning. If I stay in bed longer than she does, she wakes me up with a cup of coffee. I’ll confess, coffee in bed is one of my favorite things in life. My little girl understands that and, because she loves me, she does this thing for me. She knows it makes me...
I just finished reading Alice in Wonderland to my 5 year old daughter. I got the idea after talking to a few teenagers, who recounted with fondness how their fathers had read novels to them as children. I’m a firm believer in imitating the actions of folks who are successful, so I resolved to take up reading novels to my kids. We started weeks ago, reading a chapter or two every night at bedtime. I didn’t think it would go over well. The book didn’t have any pictures and some of the material went over her head. Occasionally, I had to stop...
The cover of Outside magazine last month (August 2016) featured a handsome, young olympic swimmer, referring to him as “Captain America” along with a prediction that this young man would lead the American Olympic swim team to glory in Rio. To a degree, the prediction was correct. The American Olympic Swim Team won 33 medals, 16 of them gold. In fact, the American swim team won almost as many gold medals as the rest of the world’s swim teams combined. In an interesting turn of events, “Captain America’s” name is not in the news because he...
“I swear on my mother, if you don’t back off, I’ll knock your teeth out.” I don’t remember the exact words, but they were something to that effect. They, and quite a few other oaths to the same effect, were shouted at me by an 18-year old gang member one evening while I was at work. He had been placed at the facility where I worked because he had an anger problem and was a drug addict. I watched that kid holler and threaten for about 20 minutes and had a realization. He was all bark and no bite. He didn’t get his way, so he threatened me (and t...
A few weeks ago, my wife and I celebrated our 18th anniversary. During the past 2 decades, I’ve learned a great deal about how to stay in the good graces of my wife. I know what sorts of things I say that upset her, what kind of gifts she likes, and what the boundaries of our marriage are. Some of those boundaries were stated explicitly in our vows, including that I wouldn’t date other women, that I would take care of her, that I wouldn’t abandon her, etc. Other boundaries fell into the “figure it out as you go” category, like how not talki...
The community that my wife and I moved here from was fairly wealthy. The population was mainly young, professional families with 2 incomes. When we first moved there, I remember being impressed by the fact that many of my neighbors had huge houses, a new car every year, and most of them took expensive trips to exotic places a couple times a year. This was at a time when my wife and I could barely afford to heat our home, resulting in nights sleeping in front of the fire place half the year and breath you could see while you were in the living...
The biblical book of Proverbs is a collection of sayings meant to teach young men how to live wisely. In the 15th chapter, there are 3 proverbs that link together to make an interesting point. Proverbs 15:17-19 begins with: “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it.” The general idea is simple, it’s better to eat almost nothing with your spouse while you love each other than to eat prime rib in the middle of constant fighting. I think any married couple who have been together for more than a few years...
Erik, there was mold in the coffee pot when I came to clean last week.” This simple statement, spoken by the janitor at the church I worked at, created a huge headache for me. I heard it and assumed that he meant to tell me what he told me. I had been on vacation the previous week and didn’t really understand how the coffee pot mold pertained to me. My response reflected my perception: “Ok. I was on vacation last week.” I didn’t think much of the whole thing until I was called into the boss’ office and asked why I told the janitor that I didn...