Sorted by date Results 627 - 651 of 729
Last year, my then 4-year old son started using a new tactic in responding to me when he get’s frustrated with my unwillingness to give him whatever he wants whenever he wants it. Specifically, he started telling me that he doesn’t like me any more or that he likes mom more than he likes me. Using affection as a lever to get another person to do what you want is manipulative. It’s not an uncommon tactic for a small child, but it’s the sort of thing that folks should grow out of pretty early. There are less overt versions of this that are typ...
Most mornings, I wake up at about 3:45 and turn off my alarm before it goes off at 4 AM. I read the news until 4:05, giving the coffee make enough time to brew at least one cup. I get up, read, have my coffee, and go to the gym by 5. I am a night owl. I hate getting up early. Most nights, when I go to bed, I dread getting up so early in the morning. I also dread exercising so early. I do it first thing in the morning because I have time then (and the gym is usually empty). However, I recently noticed a crazy truth. My schedule has been screwy o...
For nearly a decade, I worked for a residential mental health facility. One of my favorite parts of that job was our annual trip to take kids to the upper parts of Minnesota, where we would canoe and camp with the clients for a week in the Boundary Waters. One year, I was working with a group of young ladies from our addiction treatment program. We were on the second day of our trip and one of our students was having trouble managing and paddling her canoe. She was sitting in the back seat, which is the position that essentially steers the...
“Are you keeping alive anger at a person who you haven’t seen in years?” I have asked this question of hundreds of people over the years and surprisingly ‘yes’ is a far more common response than ‘no’. It’s easy to do. Someone wrongs you and you feel hurt or betrayed by it, then over the course of time, those feelings of hurt become anger and eventually that anger takes root and becomes resentment. Resentment is old anger that we hang on to. I’ve talked with folks who harbor resentment toward a parent that has been dead for decades or a pers...
Many years ago, I worked with a guy I couldn’t seem to get along with. Whenever I had to deal with him I found myself bumping heads with him. At times, we devolved to shouting matches in the office. During that time, I came home from work fuming on many occasions, sometimes having to take long walks after I got home to cool off. During one such walk, I decided that I should spend time praying about the ongoing conflict and the other guy. It wasn’t my first instinct and I was not particularly formal or nice when I actually did it. On that day, I...
GK Chesterton once wrote that if you were sitting in a restaurant and a rhinoceros was to enter the establishment, the rhino would have a great deal of power in the situation. It could knock people around, trash the place, stop business transactions, ruin the waiters’ day, etc. There is no doubt that an animal that weighs more than a ton could certainly wreak havoc in a restaurant. However, as much power as the rhino could exercise, it would have absolutely no authority. The rhino couldn’t fire employees or change the price of dessert or ord...
I have been busy for the last few weeks. Between rushing around to deal with various obligations and efforts, I have hardly slowed down at all. When I have, I am finding myself tired, which prompts me to use my relaxation time for things like watching television or mindlessly surfing the internet. My energy to spend on reading or more edifying pursuits is limited. This morning, when I sat down to write this column, I discovered that my mind is blank. Coming up with ideas for topics is rarely difficult. Generally, they are birthed from my...
Last week, my four year old son sat in my lap one afternoon and told me: “Dad, I’ve decided to be a pastor, just like you, when I grow up. I’ve started practicing already.” When I asked him how he was training to be a pastor, he told me he started highlighting in his books. I got a laugh out of this, but I also felt a bit proud. My boy knows that I spend a good bit of time reading, researching, and highlighting for sermons. My son’s typical choices for future careers are typical of little boys: fireman or police officer. I suspect he probably...
During Easter weekend, my wife planned a short trip away for our family. We traveled out to a hot springs resort, with the intent of staying for a day. Our stay was pleasant, but when it came time to drive home, we only got a few miles down the road before breaking down. Fortunately, we were able to limp the car along to the next town. Once we arrived, there was a handful of considerations to deal with, starting with getting the car fixed. In addition, we had to worry about renting a car, finding a hotel, entertaining the kids, arranging our...
Like many others around the country, I have spent the last week complaining about the time change and the havoc it wreaks on my natural living rhythms. I tend to wake up at the same time every day, and I get tired about the same time regardless of what the clock actually says. The clock impacts my daily planning and my commitments, but it can’t change certain aspects of life. I get tired when I get tired. I get hungry when I get hungry. Reflecting on this brought to mind Solomon’s words in Ecclesiastes 3, which most folks are familiar with bec...
A few weeks ago, I made a peanut butter sandwich for my son for lunch. He took his sandwich with him to his room, where he ate and played. Because he’s a typical four year old, it didn’t take long before he forgot about the sandwich and wandered off to do something else. When he remembered his lunch, he returned to it and found that the dog had eaten his lunch, which he had left on the floor in his room. Frustrated, he came to me crying over his lost meal. I made another sandwich, which he took with him to his room. Sure enough, 30 minutes lat...
Parenting two small children has afforded me a terrific opportunity to watch them and learn about human nature. I have noticed that my kids are happiest in their time together when they play without regard for who gets what, who has to clean up what, etc. When they both enjoy themselves and contribute 100 percent without concern for what the other is or isn’t doing, they tend to be much happier. However, when they begin to bicker over who has to do more or what belongs to who, the result is misery. I think this tendency can be attributed to t...
Third John is the shortest book in the New Testament. It is also one of the least appreciated. John’s short letter (only 129 words) written to a church leader somewhere in Greece. Though we don’t know the exact situation being addressed in the note, clues in the book give us a pretty good idea of what’s going on. John is writing to a church leader named Gaius, announcing his plans to visit the churches in the region for the purpose of dealing with a conflict that has arisen between him and another leader, a fellow named Diotrephes. He sent...
One of the most frequent complaints I encounter in pastoral counseling settings is the feeling that folks just don’t have their lives together. They aren’t doing well as a spouse, parent, homeowner, employee, etc. It’s typically the case that this applies to multiple areas of life and there is almost always at least one person they compare themselves to, saying something like: “Their life is perfect and they have everything going so well. I am struggling to get through each day, but they are perfect.” Ironically, I have talked to people wh...
While I was in Jerusalem, I had the opportunity to visit the Mount of Olives. Many folks will recognize the name from the story of Jesus’ final week in Jerusalem and his arrest. During his very busy week of teaching in the capital city, he was almost constantly surrounded by crowds of people. The Mount of Olives is the spot Jesus retreated to for quiet. This is a habit we see throughout his lifetime. He walked away from the crowds that followed him for times of peace, silence, and solitude. The Mount of Olives is right across from the city. J...
This morning, I ate my breakfast on the shore of the Sea of Galilee. I’ve been in Israel and Jordan for 2 weeks and the most impressive site I’ve visited thus far is a rocky stretch of beach a few hundred yards from the ruins of the ancient city of Capernaum. To understand why the stretch of beach was more impressive than every cathedral, ruin, monument, and mountain, it’s important to have a little context. The apostle Peter was the apostle who stood out. The man was at the center of every big event in the ministry of Jesus and was the most...
I am sitting in a hotel in Jerusalem this morning, day 4 of a two-week educational tour of Israel and the surrounding country. Yesterday, we toured the original city of Jerusalem, when it was first conquered by David. I hand always envisioned a small, flat town. In particular, this made the story of David’s infidelity with Bathsheba an odd story to comprehend. In the original account, David spots Bathsheba in the bath and decides he’d like to get to know her better. Before long, he has impregnated his neighbor’s wife and murdered her husba...
With the new year upon us, it’s time to decide if setting goals for the new year is a worthwhile effort. Many people I know see the new calendar year as an opportunity to start over or remake themselves or an area of their life that they’re dissatisfied with, but then struggle to accomplish total life change. This shouldn’t be surprising. Change is hard, especially major change. Last year, I set a handful of New Year’s resolutions, and I managed to accomplish a few of my goals. More importantly, I learned a few things about goal setting...
Every morning, while I walk the 2 blocks from my house to my office, I try to make it a point to stop and take a moment to look at the Bears Paw Mountains from the end of my driveway. They never fail to impress me. One of the things I fell in love with about Big Sandy when I interviewed here 6 years ago was how beautiful Montana is. An odd thing has happened in the last few years: there are quite a few mornings when I am in a rush or am stressed out and I simply step over my morning ritual because taking a moment to appreciate the scenery is a...
When I was in school, I was a poor student all the way up until I went to seminary, where I was a straight ‘A’ student for the first 3 years. It started as a point of pride for me, then it became a challenge to maintain it, and finally it made me miserable. I had done so well that I was afraid of messing it up. I reached a point where I obsessed over grades and put in excessive hours on papers just trying to maintain my perfect record. I eventually encountered a class that I struggled with, and, after several difficult tests, finished with a ‘B...
This week, as a homework assignment for a class my wife and I are taking at church, we have had to spend time talking on the couch every day and go out on a date. I alluded to the challenges associated with the assignment in an earlier column, but I think it’s worth pointing out the seemingly counterintuitive reasoning behind the assignment. The class that we are doing the conversation time for is a parenting class. The first few weeks of the course focused on an unlikely topic: marriage health. I call it unlikely because I fully expected t...
My wife and I have been taking a class at church that includes a daily homework assignment: We are to spend 15 minutes of ‘couch time’ together. In principle, this isn’t complicated or difficult to accomplish. It involves sitting on the couch together and having a one-on-one conversation for 15 minutes, without kids or tv or any other distractions. The crazy thing we discovered is that it’s just not easy to have a focused conversation for 15 minutes. We have to work to come up with things to talk about that aren’t small talk, work, or kid re...
In the 5th Century, an Egyptian named Arenius set out to live a holy life by abandoning the community he lived in and living in the desert as a monk. After several years of living in the wilderness, he visited the city of Alexandria, where he spent time wandering through the markets and bazaars. A Christian in Alexandria asked him why he spent so much time wandering through the shops if he had renounced possessions and worldly comforts. He responded that he was filled with joy at the sight of so many things that he didn’t need. Arenius had l...
I’ve been going to the gym every day for months and have been enjoying it, but I discovered that the gains in my weight training and general fitness, which I experienced during my earlier days of working out, slowed gradually and reached a point of standstill over time. I responded to the slowing of my progress by working out harder, but that didn’t help. I resolved to stay the course and hope for the best at that point, when a friend of mine asked if I had considered taking days off or incorporating lighter workout days into my routine. I had...
Everywhere I go, my phone goes along with me. Part of the reason for its constant presence is my need to be available to folks. My job and my family are both benefited by access to me whenever and wherever I happen to be. It’s also a convenience. From time to time, I have trouble finding an address or I need to take a note that I would otherwise forget. Apart from that, my phone keeps me entertained when I feel bored. I can read the news, books, and articles or play games or waste time in almost a limitless variety of ways wherever I happen t...